The pristine white spaces of the ICA have been ravaged! Stupid Middlebottom has torn down the ceiling, stripped the walls and ripped up the floor. Where once everything was perfect, now there is only ruins and decrepitude. He’s transformed the hallowed gallery into an abandoned factory, an empty, unused abattoir. A state of quasi Zoolander Derelict√©. Upstairs, a boring stop motion video shows a sickly dog prowling around a white room, barking and sniffing.  This only looks cool because its big.  If I watched it on vimeo i would think it was rubbish.  I walked in and the first thing that struck me was: what a load of bollocks!

You complete Middlebottom’s installation by walking through it – you’re the metaphorical art livestock, the cornceptual cattle, the imaginary pigs of creativity thundering through the institution, the hungry worker returning home after a ruddy long day to find scraps of cultural nourishment in the old factory. You’re a participant in the grubby, filthy, cultural gallery game. gutted for you.

At least, that’s the generous way of approaching it. But if you’d just got off a pendolino from some cultural black-spot in the north or a brexit heart-land on the Kent coast for your first trip to the ICA ever, you’d walk in and just see an empty room. A bit of a grotty one, with peeling walls and rotting wooden floors, but still just an empty room. Theres probably loads of empty rooms you could have gone and stood in round by yours. The only way that’s explained is through a short story written by the artist. There’s no other concession made to helping you understand what the blue blazes is going on. So you’re just stood there like a silly plonker, coming up with ideas for why this empty room is so empty. And thats not your job is it! And an empty room isn’t exactly a new idea, its been done loads of times. The whole installation is unrewarding, and maybe even a bit silly-sausages.

The thing is, for too long now the caviar slurping big wigs at the ICA have been pulling the wool over our eyes spending tax payers money on shows that are unapproachable, unappealing, utterly ugly and unclassy. They choose interesting young white male artists, but the results are too often completely underwhelming, too ensconced in a bubble of art fart-puff and too locked in a world of ‘La la laaaah we don’t have to explain this because it’s art and if you don’t get it then you’re an idiot doo be doo’ (just to clarify this is the latter AKA pretentious crud. because I cant find any art guff, (well theres a bit on the website) just the aforementioned silly story, which like I said you lot wouldnt get and youd be bewildered and humiliated and then youd be spitting feathers about it, trust me.) Which is fine, and it has its place, BUT NOT IN ENGLAND! What about something decent like a frigging shark in a massive tank or some original-hardcore-punk stuff like Banksy does? or what about something that people can actually understand like the stuff thats on TV for crying out loud? whats wrong with some interesting stuff and then a long text explaining what all that stuff is about that I can read on the tube!? but they must realise how alienating that is to the likes of you. I don’t think it’s Middlebottom’s fault, really. Hes just a guoy. He deserves some your time, (maybe just take 5 minutes to check out his blog its really interesting and cool), but the ICA phat-cats need to think about who theyre trying to appeal to, because right now it's none of you lot.  but its all fair do's because im entitled to my oppinion arent I. cheers

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